'Tis The Season?

With Christmas almost a week away, being in the middle of a double dip recession, some people are struggling to stop that panicked feeling that has become regularly associated with the holidays.

Consumerism taking full field nowadays, Christmas has become all about who can buy the biggest and best for their families. From the top toys ranging in prices from £25 to £100, children as young as 10 are asking for things such as iPods or laptops.

I remember - way back in the day, around 10 years ago - when I was 8 or 9 getting a post office set that provided me with years of entertainment, that would of cost around £10. One of the highlights of Christmas being getting a new colouring book and pens that I would spend all of Christmas night playing with.

One of the main traditions we have in our family is everyone getting a new set of jammies to open on Christmas Eve so that we wake up with them on Christmas morning - one that even though I'll be 22 in a week, we still hold.

This year both my parents have harassed me with what to get for my birthday and Christmas - both a day apart. And my honest answer - I have no idea. At 21 I have everything I could possibly need - a phone, a computer an iPod, shoes, clothes. So I have been struggling to decide on what to get. The one thing I really want? A long lie in. Seriously - I have a job so anything I've ever needed I've happily saved and bought myself.

This may sound almost like bragging, "Oh girl who has everything", but its not. It's just I have everything I need. Of course what I need and what I want are two different things.

I would love to get my expensive, shiny things that are useless to general living but I don't ask for them because the ones I have are sufficient or I just can't bring myself to ask for such a waste of money - which doesn't seem to be a problem with much of the youth nowadays.

They have come to expect things which the probably don't deserve, because lets face it, when it comes to Christmas people are spoilt. They want the expensive brand name, latest model and nothing short of that is acceptable. Christmas - traditionally a time for family, fun and food - has become a competition to keep up with the Jones'. People stress out over whether or not their presents are enough or that they in turn are receiving enough, instead of being happy that there is one day a year that they get to spend in their family.

This year, I am grateful for the time I get with my family, because between work, college and everyone else's commitments I never really get to see them. So that is the one gift I'm looking forward to recieving this year.

Well...that and a new suitcase. My one practical gift that I am more than over-the-moon excited to be getting!

It Gets Better

So if you didn't know there is a project called Its Gets Better who's primary responsibility is promoting that if you are a gay teen...well it gets better. I love and fully support this project. No, I'm not gay - just a human being with a social concious.

There has been a lot of press the past year about teens committing suicide because of the extreme bullying they receive because of their sexual orientation. I've never been able to wrap my head around how someone can single out one particular person for a trait so natural as sexual attraction.

Contrary to what some institutions may tell you - it is biological and in the genetic make-up of a person. Its not something you learn or catch or something that someone can change in you or "fix". Its you. Its who you are and the way you were made.

And it breaks my heart when people hate on other people - or worse, themselves - for the way they were made.

Take for instance one of my best friends. He came out to me around about two years ago and even with this amazing support system around him - an accepting family and friends who love him for who he is, no matter what - he has on more than one occasion told me he wishes he was born "normal". If that's how he feels being fully accepted in his life, could you imagine what it would be like if his friends or family didn't love him just the way he was?

To bully someone because they are gay is along the same lines as bullying someone because of the colour of their skin. Its something they can't change - nor should they want to. Because of a few small minded people in this world, it has been promoted as something that is wrong and almost disease like.

And it needs to stop.

The world is changing - for better or worse, I'm not quite sure. But through these changes we need to realise that people are people. To quote someone extraordinary, "It doesn't matter if your gay, straight, purple, orange or dinosaur. That what makes you different, makes you stronger".

So please, no matter what it is you're going through in life, just remember - it DOES get better.

www.itgetsbetter.org

Where To Begin?

I like to write. I find it easier to express words when you have a moment to mull them over. When you don't feel pressured to say something brilliant in the heat of the moment and can go back and edit your words so they sound just right.

This also has the amazing down side that if you think about it too much the words play around in your head for so long that you never get anything done.

This past month-ish has been a strange one for me. I've felt so disconnected from everything and everyone in my life, so much so that I wrote something that one of my oldest and closest friends saw and read. And it hurt him. Well I'm guessing it hurt him because he had some very angry words to say over twitter. I apologised for the words I had said but I don't think its right to apologise for the emotions behind them.

And what were the emotions? Loneliness. That's it. Pure, un-adulterated loneliness. I'm not even sure where this came from. I'm almost constantly surrounded by people at work and at college, so much so that when I'm not at either I spend most of my time alone in my room. I just sit and listen to music or watch TV/ Films or read or sometimes even write. But lately I've felt an inherent need to be with people. To have the people in my life that make me laugh or that I can talk to.

Which is a lie because I never talk to anyone. I listen. I write. But I never talk.

I've always felt extremely uncomfortable expressing emotions vocally. Which is a shame because if you never say anything, it all goes unsaid.

Words even fail to cover how much I am grateful for the people in my life. My five or six (depending on which stage in our lives we're at) best friends who I've known mostly since High School some even younger. And we haven't always been in each others lives in the way we are now. We drift in and out depending on where we are in our own story. But we've been pretty solid for the past three years and it's made me happy to know these people are in my life.

But there are patterns to life - as much as people say its full of surprises, these "surprises" usually follow a sequence. And I can't help but be terrified that this sequence is that we all grow older and go our separate ways. And so how do I deal with that? Get sad and push those away who are closest to me so I can't be hurt somewhere down the line. Its almost like bracing yourself to remove a plaster. The slower you do it, the less it hurts when it actually comes off. Ripping it quickly only hurts like a bitch.

Which is so stupid. Like seriously stupid. Even if I do get into the University I want, I still have 2 more years here. So what? I'm going to make myself miserable now so I'll be less miserable in the future when I leave everyone and everything I know and love and be miserable? Whole lot of misery right there.

So after my talk with my friend (He shouted at me), I realised how insane that was, to pull away from people I love because of life getting in the way. I want to live "in the moment" (Yes ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the soppy cliché part of the blog) and actively be a part of my friends lives. Because even if we do go our own ways 2 or 5 or 10 years down the line, I'll still have these memories to look back on. And I don't want them just to be filled with my own self pity and my resentment to change.

Its Glee Time

Everyone tune into your TV set because Glee is back!

Except, not everyone did. In fact this seasons premier was down almost 2 million people from last season. 2 million people. In America alone. That is a lot of people.

And can you blame them really? Last season was a confused muddle of story lines and plot points and too many guest stars and stand alone episodes. You can’t really blame those 2 million people who decided not to bother tuning in this season.

Last year, where to begin. Lets start with the Bi Polar characters. Quinn was up and down more times than a swing. First she loves Sam, then wants Finn, then goes single white female for, what was it again, oh yeah, prom queen. Then you have Santana, who went from sleeping with everyone, to being in love with a girl to also turning single white female into trying to manipulate a situation so this person would have no choice to date her. And don’t even get me started with the caricature that is now Sue Sylvester.

Then you have the high school break up and make up love triangles which were thoughly recycled from season 1 that had played their need out then.

Then there was the uselessness that was Mr Schue. I mean, really other than prolonging the annoyance that was Gwyneth Paltrow’s guest appearance, what did he actually do last year? Because I’m pretty sure that I never once seen him teach.

And the only good thing, in my opinion, that they had going last year was the introduction of the Warblers. A different, if not utopian, school that existed outside the halls of McKinley High School at Dalton. They were something different from the constant remake of top 40 songs that the radio had severely overplayed already and here we were, having to listen to them again in a pitch higher.

Then we get the season 3 opener and…wait did they just get rid of the Warblers. And the stand out star from last year - Blaine Anderson, previous prep, straight edge boy - is now shaking his hips to Tom Jones? Blaine your Darren Criss is showing. Oh, and Quinn remembers she has a baby now? Wow, that was pretty much ignored all last season. Mr Schue is suddenly pissed the Cheerios aren’t showing loyalty? But…that’s what’s always happened. Why the sudden urge to pick a side. And do they even have enough people to compete in show choir competitions any more? And we want to cut back on new characters and focus on the core cast - but we’re going to get rid of Lauren and Sam and introduce 4 or 5 new people no one gives a crap about. And guess what kids? Gwyneth will be back even though there is no other possible story line she can have!

Glee as always felt misguided. Like a child who gets bored colouring in half way through a drawing. I just wish someone would sit the writers down to watch the previous two seasons so they know exactly who did what. I think this season will be less of a joke if they do.

Zero Is Not A Size

So I have been watching my weight lately. And by watching I mean, I’ve counted every calorie that has entered my mouth this week. I guess it started when I realised that I would have to go to my friends engagement party this Friday night. I’ve never really been over weight, never going higher than a size 12 but neither have I ever been anything less than a size 10. But I had to buy a dress. In a size 14.

Its just a number really, and it does depend on what material is used, how the dress is cut, what style it is. But to me it was a 14. And I’ve never consciously watched what I’ve eaten before. I’ve always been aware of the foods I’ve eaten. Working at McDonalds for 5 years and eating one 5 days a week for the duration of that has often left me wondering what my insides must look like.

But I never gained weight there before. You were on your feet for 8 hours a day, running back and forth. Now I’m at college. I sit on my arse in front of a PC 6 hours a day. Physically, not the most taxing thing I’ve ever done. And suddenly I notcied the way my jeans seemed to be hugging my thighs just a little bit tighter. Was that fat under my arm always there? Since when did I feel tired after speed walking for 20 minutes.

So I began to surf the internet looking for diet tips. Something that would make this transition easier - although denial of something is never easy.

And thats when I discovered several girls best friends in the wieght loss process. Ana and Mia. Or better known as Anorexia and Bulimia.

I came across a sort of under ground diet cult that encouraged each other to starve themselves. Literally. Girls were sharing tips with each other on how to successfully go a whole week without eating food (apparently lots of water and sugar free gum did the trick). And they shared phone numbers with each other. In the same way alcoholics have a sponsor encase they felt themselves slipping, they would call each other and encourage themselves to get past the “weakness” of eating.

They idolised people like Demi Lovato, who so successfully kept their illness in the darkness for so many years, even when she was in the public eye so visibly as only a Disney star can be marketed.

But when said teen idol cracked and sought treatment she was turned on, being called weak and fat. I don’t know about you but all I see is a perfectly healthy girl here:

Compared to an image of a “perfect” model here:

I’m well aware of which of the two I’d rather look like.

So yes, I am watching my weight - but theres a line. And to some people, they need to realise that the line fall between healthy and a disorder. Or at least you would hope that someone in society would tell them.

The Small Print

One of my least favourite questions is “What type of music do you like?”, like we need to have a type and limit ourselves into these little neat boxes. The only thing more annoying than that is the look people give you when you say “everything”. Like your some sort of particularly slow child who didnt quite understand the question.

I don’t see what’s wrong with having a wide variety of music. Its like your mood. It can change rapidly several times in a day - in an hour even. Why can’t what we listen to be the same?

For example, if I put my iPod on shuffle the first 10 songs that play are:

1. That’s What You Get - Paramore
2. Beautiful - Glee Cast (Christina Aguilera cover)
3. Jack Sparrow - Hans Zimmer (Pirates of the Caribbean score)
4. New Born - Muse
5. Don’t Rain On My Parade - Glee Cast (Barbra Streisand cover)
6. Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack
7. Introducing Me - Nick Jonas (Camp Rock 2 soundtrack)
8. Lothlorien - Lord of the Rings score
9. Teardrops on my Guitar - Taylor Swift
10. Untouched - The Veronicas

It ranges from classic musicals to country to top 40 just within 10 songs. And I don’t see whats wrong with that. We are constantly being encouraged to widen our horizoions - try things we’ve never tried before. Why should it be any different for what music we listen to? How do you know you don’t like a song or a genre even until you’ve listened to it?

Which is why it particularly irritates me when people mock or even criticize what music I listen to. Or what concerts I go to. The last 5 concerts I was at were Darren Criss, Glee Live, Taylor Swift, The Pretty Reckless and Paramore. All very different styles of music and all just as entertaining as each other. Maybe because its not something that’s heavy in drum and bass and therefore not acceptable as a music choice.

Take for example the last concert I was at - well more of a gig really, since 600 capacity venues are neither here nor there - Darren Criss.

Whilst being more famously recognised for his part in Glee, he is also part of a small theatre company known as Team Starkid, who’s most famous play was A Very Potter Musical, which as it sounds, is a parody of the Harry Potter franchise.

Now when you tell people you’re going to see a guy who plays a character in Glee its bad enough - when you add in that you’re hoping he plays songs from his musical about Harry Potter - lets just say people tend to not be so accepting of this.

But the whole point of music is (aside from profit) is entertainment. And who are others to say what does and doesn’t entertain you?

And I’m not sure what’s more entertaining than 600 people singing along to a song titled “Going Back to Hogwarts”.

So next time someone asks “what type of music do you like?”, my suggestion is just roll your eyes and walk away. Because really, its not worth the effort explaining it.